


You Can Cry

by Kissa



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, BAMF Alec Lightwood, Bad Parent Maryse Lightwood, Conspiracy, Happy Ending, Humiliation, Insecure Alec Lightwood, Jace Wayland Deserves Nice Things, Jace Wayland is a Lightwood, M/M, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Non-Graphic Violence, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sexual Coercion, Slavery, Supportive Jace Wayland, Supportive Magnus Bane, War
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:34:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 19,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28323189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kissa/pseuds/Kissa
Summary: After Maryse fixes her youth mistake in a drastic way and no one challenges that, Alec sees himself thrust in a life where all he can do is hope to be allowed to survive.Luckily for him, the best Nephilim warrior of their times takes an interest in him and alters his destiny for good. Oh and there's a war, because with a military state like Idris, of course there's gotta be a war to justify all the atrocities...
Relationships: Alec Lightwood/Jace Wayland
Comments: 57
Kudos: 61





	1. You can cry on my shoulder, everything's alright

**Author's Note:**

> I loosened the timeline a bit (ok, I made it into a pretzel) so that Jace was taken in by the Lightwoods when he was thirteen and Alec fifteen. When they meet later, they are nineteen and twenty-one, respectively. 
> 
> I will be adding tags until the end to reflect the events in later chapters, but this is more a story of recovery and regaining dignity and self-confidence than a story about the lows in one's life. See the happy ending tag :)

Alec no longer clearly remembers the life from _before_ .  
  
It’s partly due to the beatings. Sometimes his owners hit him too hard over the head and that definitely didn’t help. Also, they didn’t feed him much and that may have also contributed. His growing body didn't have the fuel needed to mend itself in the best way.  
  
But most of all, he made an effort to forget.  
  
He had a mother and a father once, and a younger sister. But his mother one day told him he was going to live with other people, who could maybe find a place and a purpose for him since he was no longer wanted in her home. He had let her down one too many times and she had no room for failures in her perfect family.  
  
Alec had found it just that he be passed over to someone else. This someone had been a trader at first, and this gross little man had trained Alec as a slave. That part had been painful, and had broken the last of Alec’s sense of self-worth.  
  
Then he’d been bought the first time, by a man who wanted a toy for his son. Alec had done well, he liked children and his owner’s son was smart and good to him.  
  
One of his owner’s friends had seen Alec in his home and had paid a lot of jewels, weapons and adamas for him.  
  
He didn’t know what about him had made her pay so much to have him. He was not special in any way, there were slaves who had abilities, vampires, werewolves, even seelie and warlock slaves. He was like a gentle cow, quietly going about his work and hoping the days would go by without much pain, while somewhere in the back of his mind he remained aware his life was not his own and subject to the whim of whoever owned him at the time.  
  
When she took him to her home, he understood what his new life would be like and he felt like crying. However, he knew that could get him in trouble so he didn’t.  
  
He couldn’t help but let out a few scared yelps when his new mistress brought someone who cut something out of him so he would not get anyone pregnant, because, the mistress said, no one wanted to have children with a slave. 

He was given something local to numb the pain and he was grateful, but having someone cut into him where he could see was still scary. His mistress even held his hand while it was being carried out and told him he was being good, stroking her hands through his hair. That felt very nice, but Alec couldn’t relax and enjoy it, wondering if perhaps she would also hit him, to teach him not to take her gentleness for granted. 

For the first time in his new life, he was given his own room. And it wasn’t an empty and cold one, either. He had a nice, clean and soft bed, and a wardrobe full of nice clothes that fit, a full length mirror and a small bathroom with a shower. He was not allowed sharp objects, but he could ask for grooming supplies or to be seen by a barber.  
  
Alec didn’t get too comfortable in his new situation. Sure, he was being treated well now, but his mistress was an active duty Shadowhunter and he had already been told, by other slaves, that she had killed some of them when she had felt they had betrayed her.  
  
But Alec did not even dream of disobeying. He liked his life, he liked that he had things to be grateful for and he appreciated that his mistress told him what she expected of him.  
  
One day, the mistress called him to her lavish bathroom and told him to take off all his clothes and lie down on a towel she had put on one of the marble surfaces. Then she and another friend spread molten wax over his chest, belly and groin, ripping out all of the hair that grew there. They didn’t even let him keep the hair between his buttcheeks. Removing the hair hurt so much! Alec couldn’t help but whimper and yelp, although the two women were good at ripping the strips of wax quickly.  
  
“I know it hurts, baby, but I promise next time will be far easier.” His mistress told him, right before she and her friend warmed oil in their hands and proceeded to rub it into the areas they had so mercilessly plucked. Slowly, Alec’s skin felt better again, but he still felt humiliated. There wasn’t much that could be done to him to humiliate him at this point, because since he had been sold into the life of a slave by his mother, his sense of self had been quickly eroded. His owners so far didn’t even use his name. His current owner called him “baby” and “honey” and other diminutives - but never his name. 

At the first party where she had her friends over, all women, he figured out why she had paid so much to own him. Her friends were watching him with overt greedy looks on their faces and whispering in each other’s ears.  
  
His mistress had told him to wear trousers that looked painted-on, made from shiny black vinyl, and a white muscle tank for the party. She had closed a golden, engraved torc necklace around his neck herself, and had even blown some glitter at him. Obviously, it had not been for his sake, but for her guests’ viewing pleasure.  
  
Alec saw his function at the party was to be a nice object that served as a talking point and a bragging reason, just like the few peacocks that roamed the gardens.  
  
He wasn’t allowed to talk to the guests and he had instructions to do exactly what they asked him to do.  
  
They told him to strip for them and he took off his shirt easily, but then had difficulty with the trousers.  
  
One of the women took out her dagger and deftly cut up the vinyl garment, leaving Alec naked and exposed before them, wearing only the necklace his mistress had given him, like a dog with a collar on.  
  
“Imagine this, but with runes all over.” One of the women commented. “He’s absolutely sublime. Pity he’s a slave.” 

Alec winced inwardly at the comments. Runes. He remembered those, he had had a few before he’d been turned into a slave. The training had erased every single rune from his skin.  
  
“He’s a very good slave! He’s never upset me once, ever since I got him.” His mistress praised him. “You’re allowed to play with him, but only if you’re nice. And only where I can see you.”  
  


* * *

  
All things considered, the party had not been that bad. His owner’s friends had all wanted to play with him, and at some point his owner had given him a few colourful jelly bean-like pills “to help him rise to the challenges of the evening”. Then she had kissed him on the lips, very territorial and on display for everyone else to see. As soon as the pills had kicked in, she had straddled his lap and taken him into herself. After that, every single one of his owner’s guests had wanted him to perform some sort of sex act. Some told him he was beautiful and hot, others told him he was nothing and that he existed only for their convenience. He remembered his owner’s instructions and did not talk back, obeying every wish the women had for him.  
  
At the end of the party, feeling very sticky and tired, he had to let his owner’s friends sit him in a bath and wash him with all their small, unsettlingly soft hands while his owner fed him bits of fruit from a platter as a reward for doing well.  
  
So that was sex. Nowhere near as terrifying as he had thought, but also nothing special. Just another way for others to take things from him. But he felt grateful for the drugs his owner had given him. Because if she had left it up to him, he probably would never have managed to get hard and that would have made a bad impression on her guests and it would definitely have angered her!  
  
Alec was grateful that his owner was a woman and that she kept the company of other women. Whenever he had been around men, it had usually ended up in him getting beaten and hurt. There was something about him that seemed to instigate violence in men. It was as though they enjoyed watching him suffer in a sort of retribution for crimes he wasn’t aware of having committed.  
  
His owner became very possessive of him after that party. She took him to her bed every night from then on and asked him to pleasure her. It was a bit of a learning curve, Alec found, because women were radically different creatures, with different parts and habits that he had to learn before he could use that to do a satisfactory job.  
  
Life dragged on at its usual pace for almost an entire month once Alec began to sleep in his owner’s bed. But one day, Alec’s owner went completely off the rails. On that particular day, she refused to leave her bed before eleven, yelled at everyone, was impossible to please, left right after lunch and picked a fight with the Inquisitor, nearly getting in deep, deep trouble and only saving herself because of a well-acted out apology. She came home and sent a warlock slave to fetch her a few things from a mundane drugstore. At daytime, Alec stayed out of her way, but at night, he had nowhere to be but in her bed.  
  
She seemed to calm right away once she showered and came to bed, receiving a kiss to her neck from an eager to help Alec. He wanted his old owner back, the one who was reasonable and not angrier than a werewolf in the light of the full moon.  
  
He asked her if there was anything he could do to help.  
  
She sighed and made herself small against his chest, telling him what a period was and how hers were worse than anyone else’s because she was ill and nothing helped. Since it was neither a regular wound received from outside, nor a disease caused by a pathogen or a poison, runes didn’t help. She had tried mundane remedies, but nothing really helped. And besides all that, she felt gross and disgusting. 

Alec was very suspicious at the idea that someone could bleed for days and not die, but at least now he was more informed about where babies came from. A traitorous part of him, that he had believed long buried, whispered in his ear that his mother had been in the right to sell him away. After all, she had gone to so much pain and discomfort to have him, and he had repaid her by shaming her and the family name with his mediocrity.  
  
He shook off the sad thoughts, figuring there was no use dwelling on the distant past. And while it had only been a few years since he’d been made a slave, to Alec it had felt like most of his life. Instead, he focused on being helpful to his owner and asked her if an orgasm or several would help her condition.  
  
She agreed to let him at least try to take her mind off the pain, visibly upset that she hadn’t thought of that herself. But Alec shrugged and got to work, applying everything he had learned previously.  
  
When they were done, the bed looked like someone had been stabbed there, and the mistress sent Alec to get cleaned right away, unable to look at her own blood on him. His tactic did work though, and the endorphins he had caused to be dumped into her bloodstream took care of her pain and cramps, letting her sleep while he cleaned the bed and changed the sheets, placing her carefully back onto the clean sheets and slipping under the covers with her, holding her the way she liked.

* * *

  
  
Things changed yet again for Alec, and uncertainty came back to rule over his days anew.  
  
There was a war going on, and the peaceful land they inhabited was no longer protected. Every night, demons from the lower regions of Edom would raid Alicante and rain chaos, death and destruction over the city.  
  
Shadowhunters simply could not fight off the threat alone.  
  
It would have been great if they had made the Downworlders into allies instead of slaves, Alec thought, watching the blood-red night skies and the flying demons.  
  
On the nights he was allowed to stand on the balcony, away from the window, Alec identified patterns in the demons’ raids, but he kept it to himself. Surely he, a lowly slave, could not see the hidden purpose of the raids. He would let the masters decide over the fate of the Shadow World and the Nephilim race. He felt it was no longer his fight, as he had been found not good enough for it.  
  
If Alicante was under siege, he could only imagine what the other cities that had Institutes looked like.  
  
Soon, his owner started holding war council meetings in her home and her new boyfriend started attending.  
  
When Alec saw the man, his heart stopped and he felt like there was no air in the whole house.  
  
It was Jace Lightwood. The boy his old family had adopted to replace him. The best Shadowhunter of his generation, a Nephilim with pure angel blood, someone so gifted and excellent no one else could hope to stand beside him. News like that traveled fast in Idris and that was how Alec had learned he'd been replaced almost immediately.   
  
Alec imagined Jace was very lonely, because living up to the Lightwood name tended to do that to people, and despite Jace having been the one to replace him in his parents’ hearts and family, Alec could not bring himself to despise the boy. Because he was clearly still a boy, one who looked like a young man, but who was also way too young to lead strategy meetings and die in a war with demons that came from the skies through portals.

Jace saw him too, one evening when he was too tired to portal away for the night. He asked his girlfriend about the quiet, shy guy following her like a shadow and she told him Alec was her slave.  
  
Jace went pale and his mismatched eyes darkened.  
  
“You… you have slaves?” He shouted, the fury in his voice making the glass of the windows rattle in its frames.  
  
“All of Alicante does, there is not a person of noble blood here who doesn’t have several.” She said, shrugging. “It’s not a big deal, let it go. I mean, I can see how it’s a big deal for you, you grew up broke and with no title. But seriously, we have other concerns now.”  
  
“I want you to free your slaves at once! No one deserves to be owned.”  
  
“Duly noted, darling. I will, as soon as we close the rift to Edom and make sure there still is enough of a world for you to change.”  
  
Later, before bed, Jace asked her to let him spar with Alec. He did not take no for an answer, even when he was told Alec was not a trained warrior and he would not last a minute on the mat with Jace.  
  
“Yeah, I heard that. Wrap his hands and let’s fight.”  
  
Alec couldn’t understand why his heart was beating in his throat and why warmth had spread all over him. He didn’t understand even when he nearly passed out at the sight of Jace’s bared, runed torso. Jace was so lean and his body moved with such elegance honed in battle, that Alec found it impossible not to stare.  
  
But then he was given a training staff and he was told to defend himself.  
  
At first, he took all the blows.  
  
But then, seeing that Jace wanted him to retaliate, he allowed himself to be methodical about it and he planned an offence. His past training as a young Shdowhunter kicked in and his body remembered the motions, even though in the years he’d been a slave, he had not trained and he had not been allowed to remain lean and in shape. He was now a lot skinnier, because his owner loved him looking fragile and sickly even though by build, he was neither.  
  
But slowly, he found out he could at least keep up with Jace, sometimes even landing a blow or two.  
  
Jace was distracted, also talking to his girlfriend who was watching from the side, and that was how Alec landed a good blow which disarmed Jace.  
  
“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to!” Alec cried, immediately falling to his knees and bowing his head, clearly expecting punishment for having managed to disarm his sparring partner.

Instead of a hit, he felt gentle fingers caress his cheek and a palm briefly cradling the side of his face before moving to his hair, caressing it.  
  
“You did great, Alec. You did excellent, in fact. I’m proud of you. You haven’t trained in a while, have you?” Jace said, taking the staff Alec was holding out, still expecting he’d be beaten with it for the arrogance of winning against his owner’s boyfriend.  
  
Jace threw the staff to the side and knelt down so he would be eye level with Alec. He realised there was nothing he could say that would land properly with someone who was used to being harmed, disregarded and dismissed.   
  
Instead, he decided for another route.  
  
“I’m going to hug you now.” He warned, before pulling Alec into his arms and caressing his back, guiding Alec’s head to his shoulder. “I don’t know why, but you seem oddly familiar to me, like my heart knows you from somewhere.”  
  
Alec didn’t know what to make of Jace’s words. All he knew was that this was a man who acted nothing like the other men he had come into contact with. Jace wasn’t belittling him and calling him names, Jace had no interest in punishing him for winning the sparring round, Jace lowered himself to his knees to give comfort which Alec felt he did not deserve and on top of all that, Jace found the idea of slaves repulsive even though he was Nephilim elite and would never be at risk of becoming one… and Alec was confused.


	2. The Pain Is Finally Over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec experiences some normal comforts for the first time and is blown away.  
> Jace gets a clear sample of exactly how special Alec is.

Everything happened much faster after that.   
  
Jace kept insisting that his girlfriend free Alec. He also kept insisting on using Alec’s name, to his girlfriend’s annoyance.   
  
Alec was miserable, hearing the two argue loud enough to be heard even from behind closed doors. He didn’t understand why Jace had got it in his head to have him freed. Where would he go? What would he do? He had nothing, absolutely nothing of his own. He didn’t even own the clothes he had on. Then, if he was found roaming the streets in Idris, he would surely be picked up for being homeless and eating from people’s trash, and then he’d be sent to jail, and then he’d be a slave again. What else could he do? Escape among mundanes? He had no training, no papers, knew no one in the mundane world and he was sure he would not last a single day on his own out there.   
  
But they were at war, so he could not expect things to remain as they were. It was only a matter of time before his owner was injured or killed by one of the massive demons that came from the sky.   
  
One way or the other, he was going to be left alone soon. Alec went to his room, where he cried bitter tears. For the first time, his lack of freedom was hurting him by leaving his fate fully at the mercy of others, who did not care if he lived or died. 

He cried until he was exhausted from it and he fell asleep.   
  
He woke up to Jace gently shaking him awake.   
  
“We have to go.” Jace said. “You are no longer safe here.” 

Alec wanted to ask what was happening, wanted to say he could not just leave without his owner saying he could.   
  
Jace took pity on him and explained everything.   
  
“Look, my girlfriend and I fought. I won the right to take you away, but we’re no longer welcome in her home and she said if she sees us again she will try to kill us both. So let’s go before she wakes up.”   
  
“Where are you taking me? There are demons picking people off the streets.”   
  
“Then it’s a good thing we are portaling.” Jace said and drew a rune in their air with his stele. It started spinning and it expanded into a golden, glowing portal. “Gift from a friend. She taught me and my sister Izzy how to use the portal rune. Neat, huh?”   
  
Alec quickly got dressed and he got ready to follow Jace.   
  
“Wait. You can’t go into a portal without knowing where you are going. Have you ever been to New York?”   
  
“Yes. I was born there.” Alec said.   
  
“Good, then you’re probably familiar with the New York Institute.”   
  
Alec looked down.   
  
“What is it? Bad place?”   
  
“My mother runs that, she is the one who sold me away.” Alec admitted.   
  
“What the… Maryse?! No! She’d do nothing of the sort… alright, think New York.” Jace's jaw clicked in frustration.   
  
With those words, Jace wrapped his arms around Alec and went through the portal.

* * *

  
  
They exited the portal somewhere downtown, and Jace took Alec’s hand in his, dragging him along the dark streets and alleys. 

He entered a building and they took the elevator to the last floor, which was an attic. There, Jace showed Alec into a penthouse apartment, sparsely furnished but comfortable.   
  
There was a sofa in the living room, a tv and gaming consoles.   
  
The bedroom only had the one big bed, a wardrobe and a chest with linen at the foot of the bed.   
  
Everything in the kitchen and bathroom was spotless, but also unused.   
  
“I keep this place for when I need to lay low for a bit. Until I figure out how to help you best, you should stay here. We can also use the gym across the hall to get you up to date with training. But first, we’re going to need some dinner.”

Alec panicked. He had tried his best to learn how to cook, but for some reason, nothing he ever put together was edible. He was capable of burning water.   
  
He hung his head and sighed. Jace would see how useless he was and return him to his owner, who was a woman of her word and would kill him on sight. Maybe it was for the best. He was so tired of always having to adjust to a new owner, just when he had come to terms with his previous one.   
  
“Oh, you think I expect you to cook?” Jace asked, making a displeased face. “You’re my guest, and you’re here because I asked you to come, so I will be doing the cooking. But we need to go grocery shopping first. And before we can do that, we need to find you some clothes to help you blend in.”   
  
Alec was still wearing one of the outfits his previous owner had provided for him, very tight, low-riding black jeans, a fishnet shirt and a vinyl vest. Not everyday attire at any rate.   
  
Jace dug through his wardrobe and found some track pants he had bought too large by mistake, a t-shirt and a zip hood.   
  
Alec showered before putting on the clothes Jace so generously let him wear. The t-shirt was wide on him, since Jace was more muscular, but other than that, everything fit him and he loved the soft textures of the cotton fabric his new clothes were made of. He also felt warm in them and he wrapped the zip hood around himself, closing it up almost all the way and feeling safe like in a snuggie.   
  
In the grocery store, Alec just tagged along and observed Jace being confident and acting like he owned the place. Jace always acted like he belonged everywhere, like there was no way he could get something wrong. And it worked! Alec watched as men and women in the store went out of their way to be nice to Jace and serve him in ways big and small. And it wasn’t even because he was paying. He paid for the food items, but a man bagged the stuff for him and the cashier used her employee discount to get him 40% just because Jace smiled and winked at her.

The trip to the grocery store just confirmed to Alec that Jace was not like any man or woman, Nephilim or mundane. Jace was something else, and it became clear to him that Jace was the way he was despite Maryse, not thanks to her.   
  


* * *

  
Jace cooked a simple pasta dinner, with garlic, herbs, tomatoes and olives and Alec watched him cook, fascinated at the ease with which the blond moved through the kitchen. Had Maryse taught her redo son how to cook? Alec wondered if his mother had let the successful child unlock and gain the love he himself had been unable to earn.   
  
“I know what you’re thinking,” Jace said at some point, opening two kombucha bottles and giving Alec one before taking a big swig of his. “My adoptive parents, your mother and father, didn’t teach me much besides how to be a snake in the grass. Every skill I have, I was taught by my father who raised me until I was thirteen. He wanted me to be the best at everything, a weapon he could use in a war against the Downworld and Idris. He also felt being able to feed myself unaided was a big asset to have. Of course, when I left his side and went to live with my new parents, I didn’t understand why everyone was so helpless. But, having seen how all of Alicante relies on slaves… that explains a lot.”   
  
“I am a very bad slave. I cannot cook at all, even though it might be required of me. I tried, but I caused too many fires. My owner had me as far away from the stove as possible.” Alec admitted. Better get it out early on, so he would not get in trouble later.   
  
“I am sure you have other talents, Alec. Do me a favour though, please?”   
  
“Yes? Anything.”   
  
“Your name is Alec. You are a free man. A Nephilim. Angel blood runs through your veins and no one can take that from you. I want you to stop referring to yourself as a slave.”   
  
“I can try.” Alec said, looking down. He knew he would mess up often in the beginning, there was no erasing the last six years from his mind and soul. The things that had been done to him to break him, to make him compliant and scared for his life every waking moment, could not be undone. Perhaps one day he could be out in the world without flinching and with his head held high. But it would not be soon.   
  
“And you do **not** have to cook! Ever. If you do feel like experimenting, fine. But I don’t expect you to do things for me. I just… I want to help you regain your sense of self. You’re so gentle and special and there is something so compelling about you and I hate that no one else saw it and they beat it and terrorised it out of you. I can only imagine what they’ve done to you to make you comply, you were what- fifteen? By the fucking angel. I will burn the whole Nephilim society to the ground and piss on the remains. Angel-blooded or not, nothing gives them the right to enslave others. Downworlders _or_ their own kind!”   
  
Jace realised he had flown off a handle and was shouting and gesturing loudly. He also realised he was probably the reason why Alec had made himself small at the table, looking into his plate but not eating. 

Jace sat back down at the table.   
  
“I really want to help. I don’t know how, though. And war is upon us. How do I protect us all? Maybe Magnus has some good advice.”   
  
“Magnus? Magnus Bane?” Alec asked. As a young boy, he had heard of the High Warlock of Brooklyn, someone so legendary and so powerful, the entire Shadow World feared him. No Shadowhunter could get close to him without suffering a horrific fate. “You’ve met him?” He added, when Jace nodded.   
  
“Yeah we’re… frenemies. Magnus is very old, but very fickle. We’ve butted heads a few times, but the reason why I am still alive and whole is because my… uh, reputation endeared me to Magnus. I think. Unlike most other Shadowhunters, I’ve openly dated Downworlders. Publicly every other Nephilim I know is too good to even look in the direction of a Downworlder. In private though, they loooove exploiting their powers and abilities for sex, but would never openly claim a Downworlder as their partner. Which is bullshit, because stuff like this gets out fast.”   
  
Alec thought of how his last owner had kept him as a nice object in her house and how she had expected affection, sex and complete submission from him. He could see how much more fun she would have had with him if he had had some abilities.   
  
“Hey. Are you thinking of your old life again? Care to share?”   
  
“I just… I was thinking I had it very easy. I have no abilities, I am just… some guy… and your girlfriend kept me as something akin to her peacocks. She dressed me in nice clothes and wanted me to hold her while she slept, and pleasure her when she needed it. She would have had so much more fun with a Downworlder slave, but she picked me.”   
  
Jace stared at Alec for long minutes with his jaw slack, feeling sick to his stomach. The woman he had dated was a monster, there was no way around it. He knew for sure that he would not have been capable to survive a life of constant rape. Yet, to his ex, it was perfectly alright to use a living being as a personal sex toy, and in such a degrading way as well. She had used Alec as a remote controlled boyfriend, someone who had no choice but to submit to her… Suddenly Jace regretted not killing her during their fight for Alec’s freedom, but privately promised himself he would not hesitate if the choice arose again.   
  
“Alec… I’m glad you never got on her bad side, but what she did was abusive and inconceivable. Regardless what these fucks told you, you’re not an object. Do you even… are you even attracted to women?”   
  
Alec shrugged. His preferences had never come up for discussion and he’d never been given a choice.   
  
“I don’t know. I never wondered either way. I was just happy my owner was a woman… for some reason men cannot stand the sight of me and I always fared much worse when I was owned by a man.”   
  
“Yeah, I can imagine… Angels, I could murder them all, slowly.”   
  
“Why do you care so much? I mean, I get it, you’re against slavery, but… I’m nothing special and there are so many others.”   
  
“You are very special, Alec. You don’t see it, because you’ve been told your entire life you are not.” Jace said, his tone gentler again.   
  
Later, when it was time to go to bed, Alec stood in the bedroom, unsure where he was allowed to sleep.   
  
Jace entered the room dressed for sleep, in boxers and an old, soft shirt, seeing Alec standing and waiting.   
  
“Um, do you want to take the bed?” Jace asked. “I can sleep on the sofa, no problem.”   
  
“No!” Alec said, looking alarmed, as though Jace had suggested something terrifying. “It’s your home, you should take the bed. I can take the sofa.”   
  
“You’re going to freeze your skinny little ass off. Absolutely not. Tell you what. I don’t bite. We can both fit in the bed. Only problem is, I have nightmares and they make me scream and thrash about. If you don’t mind that, we can both sleep here where it’s soft and warm.” 

“I have a long standing career as a teddy bear behind me, maybe it will help if I hug you in your sleep?” Alec offered.   
  
“You’d really do that for me?” Jace asked, surprised.   
  
“Yes, I would. And before you ask, I offered, so I want to.”   
  
“Alright then. I guess if I do give you a black eye in my sleep, I can heal you with an iratze.”   
  
But Jace did not thrash that night; nor did he scream or have bad dreams. With Alec’s arms around him, as though he were a precious treasure worthy of defending with one’s life, he slept and rested for the first time since he had been a baby.   
  
When he woke up, Jace took in the strange and new sensations enveloping him.   
  
Warmth. Safety. Softness.   
  
Alec’s arms around him, holding him close. Alec’s leg over both of his.   
  
He realised, from the breathing, that Alec was awake, and had possibly been awake for a long time.   
  
“Good morning. You can leave the bed if you need to. You don’t need to pee yourself while waiting for me to wake up, I can tell I overslept by much, it’s light outside.”   
  
“Good morning,” Alec answered. “I know. I just wanted to stay in bed longer. You look so peaceful and carefree when you sleep.”   
  
Jace felt himself blush. How the hell did this stranger in his bed have so much power over him? No one had power over him. Not for long anyway. Usually they came at him with weapons and misplaced hubris and he sent them packing directly to Hell.   
  
But Alec? Alec came at him with a hug and softly spoken words. It was more effective than any dagger, because, as Jace realised in that moment, the strange feeling of overpowering happiness he was filled to the brim with was the result of the simple fact of being held. Something he had been denied as a child and taught to run away from as an adult. Now that Alec gave that which he had denied himself so freely, it was getting to him.   
  
“Well if you don’t need to pee, I do.” Jace said. “I suggest you get dressed quickly and join me in the kitchen after you are done in the bathroom too. I am making us breakfast and it’s best served hot.”   
  
Alec did as he was told right away, going to shower and dress as soon as the bathroom was free. He didn’t want to upset Jace by being late for breakfast, seeing as Jace insisted on cooking for the both of them.   
  



	3. All I got is bread like a biscuit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec is still slowly accepting his new status as a free man. Jace is shocked to find out his mother sold her own child into slavery and feels very muuch justified in her choice.

When he got to the kitchen, he saw Jace had set the table and had made pancakes with salted caramel, strawberry and tangerine slices and chia pudding with coconut milk and mango.   
  
There was also hot, fresh coffee in a big borosilicate carafe.   
  
Alec waited until Jace started eating and only then did he dig into his portion.   
  
The tastes hit him all at once, overwhelming him. He had never had food tasting this good. As a child he had not been fed that well, and slaves were usually given a goopy oat paste or polenta or day-old bread. They were allowed to eat the parts of vegetables and foods that their owners didn’t want to eat and fruit leftovers. Alec had often gone through the compost box to find some carrot ends or lettuce leaves. The vitamin supplement pills his owner had made him take had kept his body functioning, but his belly had been constantly empty and trying to digest itself. 

The breakfast Jace had thrown together for them was nutritious and filling, and everything was flavoured just right. The pancakes were fluffy and melted in the mouth, the salted caramel tasted heavenly and no one was coming for the fruit on Alec’s plate.   
  
He looked at his plate in disbelief, after he had taken a few bites, as though trying to commit the memory of the food to the deepest parts of his mind, for a time when he’d have nothing again.   
  
The overwhelm of it all brought tears to his eyes and he looked down, ashamed.   
  
“Alec. It’s alright. I’m sorry for everything that they took from you. But you deserve every good thing this life has to offer.” Jace said, reaching across the table and gently resting his hand on top of Alec’s, stroking it with his thumb. “Are the pancakes okay? Do you like this breakfast?”   
  
“I love it, thank you. I don’t think I’ve ever eaten something this tasty.”   
  
“Well, we have to feed you so you can regain your strength. I do intend to help you get your fighting skills to where they should be.”   
  
Alec swallowed hard and looked down. He had been so bad at fighting. And so underdeveloped physically. His mother had called him “dead cat” and she had always told Hodge, his martial arts trainer, to always go hard on him. She would stand on the edge of the training floor and watch, shouting at the grown man to hit her child harder.   
  
Puberty had hit later and all at once. It had been a new level of hell, with the new pains from his growing bones and muscles, with the new, strange things his body did, and Alec hadn’t had anyone to talk to. Back then, it had seemed all the adults around him had only had mockery and violence to offer him. In the end, he had given up and he had decided to carry his misery in secret.   
  
And then he’d been sold.   
  
“Hey, Alec. Look at me.” Jace said, waiting until Alec did. “I don’t expect you to be on the same level with someone who’s done nothing but train since childhood. But I plan to give you your runes back.”   
  
“I’m not sure I want to fight. Being a part of the Shadow World has brought me nothing but pain. But I do appreciate you wanting to keep me safe.”

“Training daily also helps keep bad thoughts away. At least, it does for me.” Jace said.   
  
After breakfast, Jace took Alec to a small store nearby and they bought him more clothes that fit and some things he could use for himself, like a hairbrush, a toothbrush and toothpaste and a very nicely smelling deodorant with mojito and cedarwood fragrance.   
  
Alec was then left alone in the apartment and while Jace showed him how to switch on and use the tv and the gaming consoles, Alec curled up in bed some more, crying softly at how warm and soft on his skin the sheets and covers were. After a while, he got up and got to work. Jace returned in the late afternoon and Alec could immediately sense he was in a foul mood. He didn’t dare to ask what was making Jace so angry and he stayed out of the way.   
  
But Jace sought him out soon enough.   
  
“You spoke the truth back in Idris. Your mother did sell you. I spoke to her today and she was so calm, so convinced she had done you a favour. Alec, this is so fucked up. You could have been my big brother. We could have grown up together. Maybe we’d even be parabatai.” He said, his eyes sparkling with tears he was fighting hard not to spill. Alec could also hear in Jace’s voice that he was losing the battle against the dam breaking.   
  
Alec’s instinct was to soothe and he pulled Jace into his arms, caressing his back slowly.   
  
“It’s alright. We can’t change the past. I don’t have any resentment towards my mother. She did what she thought was right, even though it was very ruthless.”   
  
Jace moved away for a bit so he could again look Alec in the eye, but he didn’t leave his arms. Somehow, he felt calmer while he was being held and he loved the feeling, wanting it to last longer.   
  
“What Maryse did was despicable, Alec. I can’t even wrap my head around… look, I was raised by a cruel, sadistic maniac in the first few years of my life. But even he had the minimum of decency to be repulsed by the notion of owning other people. Selling your own child into a life of trauma and humiliation is… There is no earthly punishment fitting for that.”   
  
“Jace. I don’t want to go after anyone. What was done to me in these seven years cannot be undone. I will never be Alec from before again. And I feel as though, if I start avenging what happened to me, I’ll never stop. I don’t want to become vengeance-driven and ruthless. Because at the end, no matter how many people I make pay for what happened to me, there’s still going to be a gaping void inside me. However, I don’t think I will ever be ready to forgive my mother for what she did, and my dad for allowing it.”   
  
Jace lost the battle with the tears as Alec spoke. He definitely wasn’t as wise as Alec, and he would have derived great pleasure from seeing everyone who had hurt Alec pay dearly. The thought that slavery and those who supported and promoted it in Idris had to go did take root in his mind. He just had to figure out how.   
  
He wiped his tears away with the heel of his palm, angrily, like a child, not wanting to be seen as whiny, although he realised Alec would not think less of him. 

“You're right, I know.” Jace said. “I won’t make you come to the Institute. You shouldn’t have to see Maryse if you don’t want to.”   
  
He only then realised that Alec had been leaning against the wall, with his arms loosely around Jace as they spoke. It had an almost magical effect on Jace, soothing his warring emotions and giving him a feeling of.. _Safety? What the fuck?_ ... even though he was the warrior and the protector.   
  
“Somehow I always end up being the plushie and you’re holding me.” He remarked. “I don’t mind it, at all, I just… it feels really good. Uh… did you vacuum the whole place?”   
  
“Yes. Reflex, I think. Also, I am your guest as you said and it feels like I am taking advantage of your generosity being allowed to stay here, so I thought I’d repay you at least to some extent.” Alec said, blushing. “And I like holding you. You fit so well against my chest and I like giving affection when it’s welcome and called for. I used to have a little sister, she was small and loved to cuddle as much as I did.”   
  
“Oh... Izzy? Izzy is so amazing, she grew up now and she gives our parents a run for their money. She is rebellious, but she is also fierce. And, you have a new brother. Max.”   
  
With those words, Jace reached into his jacket and fished out his phone, going into the pic gallery.   
  
“This is Izzy now. And this is baby brother Max.” Jace said, handing the phone to Alec. He chose a pic with just Izzy and Max to show him, not wanting him to see Maryse and Robert so soon. “And before I get carried away with other things. You do not have to repay me, you do not have to do jack shit around here. You are not a slave anymore. I did not buy you from my ex. I won your freedom in a fight and I got it in writing. You are free, Alec. Your own person.”   
  
Alec gasped. He realised this changed things de facto between him and Jace, that he was no longer a slave, for real. He was used to people seeing him and coveting him like an object they wanted to own. But Jace had chosen not to give himself power over Alec. It was a lot to take in and Alec knew he had to relearn how to think, speak and act like a free man again.   
  
He was also curious about the little brother he had never met, but he was too emotionally burnt out to feel either way about him. Izzy had grown into such a beautiful and strong Shadowhunter. He could see in her eyes that she had not lost a single iota of her hardheadedness.   
  
For the time being, he accepted Jace’s suggestion that they spend the rest of the day in the gym.   
  
He was able to help with dinner later, not with the actual cooking but with chopping and giving Jace ingredients over when it was time to add them to the pan.   
  
Jace didn’t need as much convincing this time, to make himself small and let Alec wrap his arms around him and rest his chin on Jace’s head. Right before they both slipped into slumber, Jace whispered something, muffled in Alec’s chest.   
  
“Tomorrow we are going to see Magnus. I need to ask him a few very important questions.”   
  
What Jace had in mind could easily be seen as high treason, but he didn’t care. All he cared about was Alec’s warmth and comforting closeness never leaving him. And to ensure that, he knew there might be some fighting and some killing needed. But for now, he inhaled Alec’s chamomile and verbena scent as he slipped into a restful sleep.


	4. Close Your Eyes, Picture This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jace and Alec go visit Magnus Bane and interesting things are revealed. Fear of losing Jace puts Alec into BAMF mode.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some past Jagnus implied.

Alec was legitimately afraid of meeting Magnus Bane. He had heard so many terrible things about him in his childhood, of Shadowhunters who burned alive when they tried to get near him and others being sent to Edom to be killed by the demons there.  
  
Since he’d been sold and made into a slave, he had begun to think that maybe Magnus Bane had a reason for incinerating Shadowhunters on sight. Alec had seen first hand how Downworlders were treated and especially how warlock slaves were exploited. 

The fact that Jace had managed to endear himself even to the very dangerous warlock was not surprising in Alec’s eyes. There was something very compelling about Jace, even… sweet. Under the warrior’s tough exterior, there was someone incredibly loving and fair. Someone who, Alec had noticed, was just as affection-starved as he was.  
  
He was also not immune to Jace’s charm. Jace had a certain self-assuredness and a playful nature that shone through in all his interactions with others. If they had grown up together, like Jace had suggested should have happened, Alec was sure he would have been madly in love with Jace, but in secret. And he never would have thought of actually doing something about his feelings, because same sex relationships were not approved by the Clave. He didn’t question his attraction to Jace much, thinking it was impossible to not be attracted to Jace in general.  
  
In the morning of the following day, he saw Jace on the phone with someone and he tried not to eavesdrop, but just by virtue of being in the same room, he gathered that Jace was talking to Magnus Bane.  
  
A shiver of fear went through Alec. Was his presence really necessary at that meeting? He wasn’t sure being immolated on the spot was how he wanted to go.  
  
“Jace, do I have to come?” He asked.  
  
“No, but I would be more at peace if Magnus and his friend Catarina could take a look at you and see if you’re really well enough to take some runes.”  
  
“Oh.” Alec said, still scared inside, but realising that Jace had a reason to take him along. A reason which might help him in the big picture. “Then I’m coming.”  
  
Jace said nothing in response, just nodding and enveloping Alec in a warm look.  
  
Alec smiled and looked down, not knowing how to respond appropriately, even though he enjoyed being the target of that look and it made him all fuzzy inside. Plus, if he thought about it, it was a small victory. He had told Jace he chose to come along, not that he was submitting regardless.  
  
As soon as they left Jace’s home, Jace took Alec’s hand and told him to not let go of it for any reason until he told him it was alright to do so.  
  
Jace led them to a back alley near where he lived and, when he was sure no one was around, he called Magnus.  
  
“We’re ready. Come get us.”  
  
A portal opened in front of them and Magnus Bane himself stepped out.  
  
“Jace! It’s been a while,” the High Warlock greeted Jace, then turned to Alec, doing a double take. “And you are?”  
  
“Alec.”  
  
“Jace, you did not say he was cute!” Magnus protested and looked back at Jace, missing Alec’s flinch. “Let’s go then.” He added, resting a hand on each boy’s waist and leading them through the portal, directly into his home.  
  
When Alec took one look out the window, he saw the city skyline was not New York’s.  
  
“Make yourselves at home.” Magnus said. “What are you both drinking? Jace, dare I presume whisky?“  
  
Jace nodded.  
  
“Alec?” Magnus asked.  
  
Alec stood in his spot near the window, not knowing what to answer. He looked to Jace for help.  
  
“You can ask for whatever you want. Magnus uses magic, he can get you anything you can think of.”  
  
Alec swallowed. It wasn’t easy to pick between a billion options, so he said the first thing that came to his mind.  
  
“Raspberry Fizz, please.” He said, trying not to sound hesitant. That had been what his last owner loved to drink and he had always wondered what it tasted like, but as a slave, he had not been allowed to know.

“Catarina, our guests are here!” Magnus announced, while he conjured the drinks. When he handed Alec his drink, he smiled and said, “I like you. You have good taste in drinks.”  
  
“Thank you, Mr. Bane.” Alec said, taking the drink and briefly locking eyes with Magnus, then looking down at his drink.   
  
“Call me Magnus, please.”  
  
When Catarina joined them as well, Magnus asked Alec to stand up and move to the middle of the room. He and Catarina stood in front of and behind him, conjuring their magic and enveloping Alec in two layers of it.  
  
“Don’t be afraid, Alec. Let the warlocks work, they know what they are doing.” Jace instructed from the sofa.   
  
Both Magnus and Catarina were experienced warlocks and had been alive for many mundane and even Nephilim lifetimes. But as their magic uncovered and unpacked all that had been done to Alec, they both became very unsettled and upset.  
  
Suddenly, the magic vanished and Catarina pulled Alec into her arms, caressing his hair over and over and crying. Magnus was more reserved and he reached out with one hand, gently rubbing soothing circles on the top of Alec’s back.  
  
Jace watched from his spot, blinking away tears. Maybe it wasn’t as bad as it looked, he told himself, bracing himself for the warlocks’ verdict.  
  
“We did our best, Jace.” Magnus said, coming to sit next to him and give him the news. “There is, unfortunately, nothing we can heal. Alec’s soul is irreversibly maimed. The indignities, the pain and the humiliation he has been put through cannot be erased or undone. Nor can their effects on him. Physically there is nothing wrong with him, he could take runes.”  
  
“Can you at least take away his memories of the past six years? So he isn’t always hurting? Sure, that might leave him with the mind of a fifteen-year old, but…”   
  
“Please. I’m right here. I don’t want to forget.” Alec said, on the verge of tears. He again felt like two powerful men were deciding his future and the ideas they were playing with were scaring him.  
  
“Let’s go raid Magnus’ fridge and see what desserts he is stashing there.” Catarina said, taking Alec’s hand and leading him out of the living room. “No one will do anything to you without your agreement. We’re warlocks, not savages. And I can tell you are very dear to Jace. He never shows any sympathy for anyone and mocks emotions any chance he gets. And now, you are here, and Jace changed like… a hundred and eighty degrees.”  
  
“He keeps telling me I am special and that I am worth a lot. My owners when I was a slave said that I was special and that I was worth nothing. It’s hard to know which one it is, in the end. Especially… since I don’t have any powers.”  
  
Catarina offered Alec a seat in the kitchen while she put together some sumptuous desserts for them both.  
  
“Alec, Jace doesn’t mean it in a money way. He means it as you being equal to any other Nephilim. You just had the terrible misfortune of being born to a very evil woman, but it could have been any other Nephilim. They are so cruel and unforgiving. The Clave is always so quick to execute its own soldiers even though their numbers are dwindling and the demons are coming in bigger numbers than ever.” She said. “Jace genuinely cares for you, and the fact that he won your freedom in combat instead of buying you and retaining power over you tells me everything I need to know about what kind of man he is. Especially considering who raised him.”  
  
“Who raised Jace? He rarely talks about that time in his life.” 

“Valentine.”  
  
Alec swallowed hard. He knew that name. There had been a revolt, before he was born, led by a madman who had tried to wipe out all Downworlders. The Clave had forbidden Shadowhunters from talking about that time, but Hodge had a punishment rune and he had told a young Alec as much as he could without the rune torturing him into passing out from pain.  
  
Valentine was more feared than any greater demon because his capacity for evil went far beyond anything a greater demon could ever hope to perpetrate.  
  
And Jace had been raised by this evil, evil man? Alec could only imagine the kind of training Jace had been subjected to - all the mind fuckery and the beatings and the deception. He had tasted a sample of that sort of “training” in the slave trader’s home. The slave trader his mother had sold him to had been his first owner, and he had done away with every trace of personal pride and individuality Alec had. And for a teenager, a boy who was only then starting to grow as a man, it had meant being broken in a way that nothing done after the fact could fix.  
  
“Jace is very loving and patient. And he is cute too. I saw him angry, and I do not wish to be in his way when he is like that, but he is also very controlled. I respect him, but I am not afraid of him.” Alec said.  
  
“Jace has never been like this with anyone outside his baby sister and brother.” Catarina said. “With Magnus, he has an odd kind of friendship that can turn into a mortal rivalry at a moment’s notice. And he has helped me immensely without asking for anything back. He is an exceptional man, but he sees kindness as a weakness, so he hides his away under this ruthless warrior front.”  
  


* * *

  
“You want him. Admit it.” Magnus cut directly to the chase, as soon as he and Jace were alone.  
  
“Why? It has nothing to do with what is real. Alec is a symptom of a disgusting disease plaguing the entire Nephilim race. We have all become complacent in our power. This whole _pax angelica_ we maintain is actually a reign of terror. It needs to go, Magnus. There is no reason why things should carry on like they do now, with the Clave feeding its dissenters to the flames and condoning slavery… Magnus, the mundanes got rid of slavery ages ago.”  
  
“Mundanes have made slavery more nuanced… most mundanes work every day of their lives for disgustingly low pay and sleep in fear of losing the jobs that keep the roof over their heads. Very few mundanes are actually free and those are all people with a lot of money. But don’t derail. I saw Alec. I know you want him and the reason you want help for him is because you want me to Frankenstein you a brand new boyfriend out of this broken boy you’ve brought me.”  
  
“I just want him to have a chance at a life lived in freedom and with dignity. I want to make him forget he was ever a slave. That shit leaves such a deep footprint on a Nephilim soul. We are part angels, Magnus. No one has the right to do to us what they did to Alec.”  
  
“Your precious angels don’t give a fuck about you. As long as demons are getting killed, no one’s asking how exactly.”  
  
“I know. That is why I will strike at the heart of the Clave and dismantle it.” Jace said. “So that no one has to live as a slave anymore.”  
  
“You’re pretty ambitious, especially given that Idris is under siege.”  
  
“So you know.”  
  
“Everyone knows! The Clave made everyone in Idris keep it a secret, but that’s just like an ostrich sticking its head in the sand and thinking it can’t be seen.” Magnus replied. “And I think I know why you are doing all this. Because you think that, if slavery is no more, then Alec will be safe to date. And maybe more.”  
  
“Magnus, why are you so fixated on what I do or do not with Alec? Sometimes, as hard as it is to accept for you, it is not the time for fucking or thinking about fucking. Yes, he is beautiful and kind and I feel like every time he is around, his mere presence adds years to my life. But he shouldn’t be pressured into anything.”   
  
“I have to admit. Your intentions are noble and you show great moral restraint. And, since you’re so unwilling to even look at Alec the wrong way, I am going to shoot my shot. He is absolutely exquisite and there is no reason for him to recover in uncertainty and eating ramen with you if he can be protected with me and be treated like a prince.”  
  
“Maybe you shouldn’t make your generosity conditional on a former slave letting you fuck him.” Jace said.  
  
“Maybe you shouldn’t treat Alec like a broken toy. He is who he is, with the past that he’s had. There’s no changing that, the only thing anyone else can do is make sure his future is less grim than his past.”  
  
“I still think Alec should be allowed to decide on his own when and whom he wants to fuck, and if the answers to those questions are never and no one, then that’s good too.” Jace gave back.  
  
“A very noble sentiment, sadly not rooted in reality. One does not have to have been a slave to know the value of having my protection.”  
  
Alec, who had been standing in the hallway just around the corner, out of sight, walked out and fake-coughed to let them know he was there. Catarina had sent him to ask the men if they wanted dessert too and he had overheard the last part of their conversation, the one where Magnus had pressured Jace to admit he was attracted to Alec, and where Magnus had expressed the intention to seduce Alec and offer him his protection.  
  
“I was on my way to ask you both if you want dessert, Catarina sent me. But I couldn’t help overhearing… please stop fighting over me. I am really not as special as you think, I promise you. All I want is my life back. And please stop talking like it was possible for you to fuck me. We are all guys. The parts don’t fit.” Alec candidly informed them. “Now, do you want desserts?”  
  
Jace and Magnus exchanged a worried look and both sighed.  
  
“Whatever you are having, dear.” Magnus said eventually, watching Alec return to the kitchen. “He really remained fifteen years old. He needs to be safe with me, not running around with a Seraph blade, risking injury and death every moment.” He told Jace.  
  
“So you can brainwash him with your own brand of kool-aid and then put your dick in him? He may be naive and uninformed, but he’s not an idiot. Ultimately it’s his choice and you heard him. He is not thinking of fucking right now. So please, give it a rest. At least for now. Just be your regular charming self and he might come to you on his own. When he is ready for it. Don’t act like time is running out. You’re an immortal and I have a war to stop and a coup to orchestrate. With a bit of luck, I’ll get killed and you get your way.”  
  
“Jace, I didn’t mean to upset you. I was just pushing your buttons. Alec is a child in my eyes, and I am many things, but I am not a sexual predator. Still, made you admit you have feelings for him. Which, after getting to know him, are understandable.”

“The worst part is that Maryse was everything a mother should be to me and Izzy. She was strict, but supportive, she pushed us to always better ourselves but she also knew how to inspire and motivate us… and she was so loving and accepting. She didn’t like that Izzy is so sexually active, but she helped her do it in ways that are safe and not endangering her future. She knows I like all genders and she loves me and accepts me… but she sold Alec to a monster because he was… a kid, I guess?”  
  
“Jace, there’s a lot you don’t know about Maryse. She hated everything Alec represents for her since the moment she found out he was implanted inside her.”  
  
“That’s just on her, not on Alec. He didn’t ask to be here. Give me Valentine ten times over Maryse.”  
  
“You do know he isn’t your real father by now, don’t you?” Magnus asked.  
  
“Excuse me? That’s a load of shit. Where did you get that idea?”  
  
“Well, what did your birth mother look like?”  
  
“I don’t know. He only told me she died giving birth to me.”  
  
“Ah what a convenient twist of the truth.” Magnus sighed. “I knew Stephen and Céline Herondale closely. I was worried when Céline started to listen to Valentine’s ideas and to see him in private. He claimed he had a very effective cure for her crippling morning sickness when she was pregnant with you. That cure, as we all know today, was pure angel blood. When it became obvious he was an unstoppable madman, Stephen took his wife and tried to run. They were intercepted by Valentine’s men and Stephen was killed. Valentine killed Céline with his own hand and cut you out of her womb. Catarina was woken in the middle of the night to tend to a premature baby who had been “found” in the woods. When she saw the birthmark on your hip, she knew right away whose baby you were. That birthmark is unique to the men from the Herondale family. I know the story from Valentine’s own hand.”  
  
With those words, Magnus summoned a big, old and worn looking notebook. When Jace looked inside, he recognised Valentine’s handwriting. The monster documented in great detail what he had done. But he also spoke of a second Jonathan Christopher, who had been given demon blood and whom he had sent to Edom, because his demon powers made him too unreliable and hard to control.  
  
Jace sat back down on the sofa with the notebook on his lap. His entire life was a lie and he had not seen this blow coming. Inquisitor Herondale was his only living relative, and all the things he’d told himself his entire life had been lies.  
  
Magnus hesitated for a moment, but then he put an arm around Jace’s shoulders and pulled him close into a hug.  
  
“I know it’s a lot to take in.” He said, caressing the golden strands the same way he would a cat’s fur. “But now you know you are not a monster’s child and you can choose what kind of a man you want to be. Who you were born to doesn’t inform that.”  
  
Alec and Catarina returned with the desserts right then, and Alec placed the two plates on the coffee table in front of Jace and Magnus, while Catarina handed him his and dug into her own.  
  
Jace moved away from Magnus’ hug and started eating, still looking very troubled.  
  
Eventually, Magnus portaled them back to New York, and Jace took Alec grocery shopping, even though he was obviously miles away in his thoughts. Still, he didn’t forget to take Alec’s hand in his as they headed for the store.  
  
Alec was naive when it came to himself and what he was or was not allowed. But he had seen the way Magnus looked at Jace and the way they touched. There was definitely a history there and the formidable High Warlock wouldn’t have been so affectionate towards a… what had Jace called them? _Frenemy._

What made Alec giddy inside was having heard Jace defend him and say he was allowed to make his own choices and they would have to respect them. Jace genuinely cared about him! Whereas Magnus looked at him the way a child looks at a sparkly insect to add to his collection of impaled, dead things on a styrofoam board.  
  
He did like Catarina though. She was not like any woman he had met before. She made him feel safe around her and so far only another person had managed to give him that feeling. Jace.  
  


* * *

  
  
The next day, Jace had to go to Idris to talk to the Inquisitor about Magnus’ revelations about his origin.  
  
He called ahead and he portaled in her home, bringing Alec along. 

Imogen Herondale was a stern woman, but she was known for her fairness and sound judgment. She was feared, but also respected, just like an Inquisitor had to be. Out of all the high ranking Shadowhunters in Alicante, she was the only one who did not have slaves. She had a team of interns, who were paid to learn about politics and how the Shadowhunter society functioned and she employed paid security, also consisting of young Shadowhunters whom she hand-picked herself.  
  
They were invited to stay overnight when Imogen verified that Jace was indeed her grandson, the long lost Herondale heir. Her happiness knew no bounds and she spent the day showing Jace photo albums and letters she had kept.  
  
Alec was a bit worried when evening fell and he saw the telltale red patches in the sky, which meant demons came out to hunt. He did not take his eyes off the window, watching the flight patterns of the demons.  
  
This time, they seemed to be circling and not diving to pick anyone off. As though they were waiting for something or someone.   
  
“Where is Jace?” Alec asked Imogen when he returned to where they had been sitting together and talking all day.  
  
“Oh he popped over to Consul Malachi’s mansion to deliver him an urgent resolution I signed just now.”  
  
“No… NO!” Alec said, panicking. If what he had observed over time was true, Jace was a target. He looked around, looking for something he could use to protect Jace or at least buy him time to take cover. “Is this spear runed?” He asked Imogen.  
  
“Everything here is runed, why?”  
  
“Your grandson is going to die if we don’t do something.” Alec said, ripping the spear from the wall mount. On his way out, he saw a crossbow and the bolts for it. He grabbed those too and ran out to the terrace.  
  
He knew he was not on anyone’s radar. To the people of Idris, he was a nothing, an object. The demons would not come for him.  
  
He saw the first one circling above Jace and getting ready to dive for the kill. Jace was carrying his usual twin blades and a dagger, which were of little use against huge claws from the sky ripping him apart like a peanut shell.  
  
Alec saw the demon turn and face his direction as it descended. He noticed that the vile thing was armoured all over, except for one small point in the middle of its chest, where Edom fire was visible beneath the armoured plates.  
  
If he could drive the spear into that spot… the angelic grace would reach the demon’s core and wipe it out. If not… it would bounce off the hard plates like a toothpick.  
  
Alec emptied his mind. He didn’t think of how pressing it was to save Jace. He didn’t think of his lack of training. He aimed and threw the spear.  
  
It hissed through the air and hit the demon right between the armour plates. With a skull-splitting shriek, it combusted as it fell, only its ashes raining down on Jace.  
  
“Take cover! Jace, the demons have assigned targets! More will come.” Alec shouted, but the night wind carried his words away from Jace.  
  
He wasted no time in loading the first round of bolts into the crossbow. He had no idea where he knew how to do that from, he just did.  
  
Jace looked towards the terrace and saw Alec with a crossbow, wondering what the hell was going on. Was Alec going to hunt him?!  
  
Then Alec put the crossbow down and signed: “Look up. Danger, come back. Target. You” surprisingly clear. Valentine had taught Jace sign language as an advantage to have over most Downworlder enemies who did not need such a form of communication because of their enhanced senses and other powers.  
  
He started running back towards the mansion, but it was still a good distance.  
  
The next demon that charged at him tried to catch him from behind and took a bolt to the core at once. The next few tried to attack from angles that would not give Alec a clear shot, but he still managed to waste them with deadly precision.  
  
He only went inside when he heard the thunk of the front door and heard Jace scream in rage, “who is commanding demons here in Idris and taking out hits on Nephilim citizens?!”  
  
Alec came down the stairs and met him in the hallway at the entrance, seeing that Imogen was already hugging Jace.  
  
“Consul Malachi.” He said. “A warlock slave was sent to collect ingredients for a greater demon summoning spell for my previous owner. She was ordered to deliver the ingredients to the Consul’s house. And since then, the demons exit the portal, circle above his house, vanish briefly, then they go after their targets.”  
  
“How long have you known this?” Imogen asked.  
  
“Three months, Ma’am. I was a slave though and my expressing any personal considerations was severely punished. My owner didn’t like me when I thought. Your grandson freed me only recently and we were away from Idris.”  
  
“So that snake has been getting away with taking out all his adversaries with convenient demons that terrorise the whole city?” Imogen said, clenching her fists. “And in emergency meetings, he acts so involved and concerned.”  
  
“Like you said: snake.” Jace offered.  
  
“Well, some things are about to change around here.” Imogen said. “Tomorrow, in the daylight. When we are safe from the demons. Until then, Alec, thank you for saving my grandson’s life and for your quick thinking. We could use people like you.”  
  
Alec felt his shyness return, now that the danger was gone and Jace was safe next to him. He blushed and mumbled a response to the Inquisitor’s thanks. The truth was, he had been so scared that Jace would be picked off and killed in a horrible way right under their petrified looks, and that he would have to powerlessly witness that. Fortunately, the Inquisitor had a house full of weapons and his observations in the previous months had proven accurate.  
  
He felt himself start to tremble, the fear winning out now that the adrenaline had worn off. Jace saw that too, and he was quick to wrap Alec in his arms. Suddenly the fear had no significant grip on him anymore as he burrowed close and inhaled Jace’s soothing scent.


	5. I Don't Wanna Wait

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's amazing what a new haircut can do

Things changed drastically, but for the better, both for Jace and Alec too.   
  
Imogen was not naive. She could see there was _something_ going on between “her boys”, but she could not resent them for it. Alec and Jace were happy when they were together and that was all that mattered. Once she learned that Alec had been a slave at such a young age, she became very protective of him and, once Jace told her he wanted to give Alec new runes, she immediately arranged to have Silent Brothers come and make it happen.   
  
With the same occasion, Jace asked the Silent Brothers if, should Alec agree to it, it was possible for them to still become parabatai, given that they were both well over eighteen.   
  
He was told it was no longer possible, because, while Alec’s slave years didn’t count and he could technically find a parabatai, Jace was already nineteen and thus, too old.   
  
But, instead of deterring Jace, the verdict simply made him even more determined to go through with it. The first parabatai pair had been older than eighteen and, the more time went by, the more Jace became convinced he and Alec were meant to share that amazing bond, regardless of what stood in the way.   
  
The idea had come to him when he had seen how effortlessly he and Alec had communicated during the moments when he had been nearly ripped to shreds by one of Consul Malachi’s flying demons.   
  
Alec was a born warrior and strategist, and Maryse selling him like trash had robbed the entire Shadow World of his skills and potential. Jace intended to remedy that, and drastic wrongs had to be made right in drastic ways. 

He was still taking missions in New York, going out to kill demons, but Imogen intervened and told the New York Institute that Jace, now a Herondale, was needed in Idris for an undetermined amount of time.   
  
But, even though they now worked closely with Imogen in Alicante, Jace and Alec preferred their small apartment in downtown New York as their home. 

One night, in the wee hours of the morning, Jace gently shook Alec awake.   
  
“What is it? Something wrong? Do you have a mission?” Alec asked, fear trickling in his veins already. He hated it when Jace had to leave him and he hadn’t been able to get used to it, no matter how often Jace went away and always came back.   
  
“No, it’s not that. I need to ask you something and… we need to be somewhere.” Jace said. “You can wear my teddy hoodie, it’s cool outside at this hour.”   
  
Alec smiled at the prospect. Jace had a faux fur lined hoodie that was warm and soft and, most importantly, smelled of Jace. It was what made Alec get out from under the blankets and into the cold of the room.   
  
Jace also pressed an insulated mug of hot coffee into his hands, for which Alec was grateful as well.   
  
They each got a bagel with cream cheese and their toppings of choice on the way, and Alec was privately shocked to see Jace took them to Long Beach. By the time they got there, the sun was just rising and they were the only people around.   
  
When they found a nice place to sit, Jace asked Alec if he knew what a parabatai was.   
  
“I do, I remember reading about parabatai pairs when I was a child. Great warriors who enter a lifetime soul bond and love and protect each other in battle and in life. I think it’s so… beautiful? To have a parabatai, but I will never get one. It’s too late, I’m too old for the ceremony and besides, there is not a Shadowhunter alive who would pick me.”   
  
Jace’s heart broke at hearing how easily Alec dismissed his own worth and skills, but his ultimate goal was to change that and he knew it would not happen overnight. All things considered, Alec was doing fantastic.   
  
“Would you like to be my parabatai, if it was possible?” He asked.   
  
“Yours?! Jace, but you are the best Shadowhunter ever! If you bind yourself to me like that it’ll ruin your reputation, your career, everything!” Alec said, panicking. He could not allow Jace to sacrifice his entire destiny and social status for him.   
  
Jace took Alec’s closest hand between his two.   
  
“I’m not asking for you, Alec. I’m asking for me. I’ve never had anyone I could safely trust and love before. Izzy and Max are cute and they love me, and I love them back, but it’s not the same. I don’t have a soulmate, and I brought you here to ask you if you’ll be mine.” Jace said, looking at Alec full of hope. As soon as he replayed his own words in his mind, he realised how the last sentence could be interpreted and quickly added: “my parabatai, I mean.”   
  
Alec tried to stop the tears, not wanting to be childish about this very important moment. But he couldn’t. So many people had dismissed him and treated him worse than an animal, but ever since Jace had walked into his life, the colours had returned into his inner world. He woke up every day with Jace’s face smushed into his neck, with his arms around a warm and fragrant body, and the first thing he got to see when he opened his eyes was Jace’s smile. He could only hope and pray that he was able to somehow be just as good an addition to Jace’s life. If, and that was a big if, the ceremony took and worked as expected. But even if it failed, Alec knew that he would spend his every drop of energy and every waking moment protecting and looking out for Jace.   
  
“I...I don’t feel worthy.” He said, through his tears.   
  
Jace turned to him and gently wiped the wet streaks away with his thumbs.   
  
“You are worthy. You are so worthy, Alec.” He said, touching his forehead briefly to Alec’s.   
  
“I may not feel worthy,” Alec continued. “But I want to be your parabatai.”   
  


* * *

  
They had, in spite of the warnings from the Silent Brothers, performed the ceremony the same way the first two Shadowhunters to ever become parabatai had. And it had apparently worked!   
  
Perhaps too well, Alec thought. Feeling so close to Jace was overwhelming and exhilarating all at once, like flying too close to the sun. But there was also an underlying current of calm and safety.   
  
He kept touching the thin skin of his hip, where Jace had etched their rune onto Alec. They had picked that spot because it was not often on display and, as far as they were concerned, they felt that the fewer people knew about their bond, the better.   
  
Sparring and training had become completely different experiences with the bond in place. Alec could now accept and apply Jace’s tips more easily and they moved like the cogs in a very refined piece of machinery.   
  
There was also a maddening new level to the intimacy they shared. They had found it easy to carve space for each other in their lives before, but now it was so much better and deeper. Alec could be reviewing old law texts with Imogen and he would suddenly feel warmth sweep through him and the ghost of a hug around him, secure and firm. He would then know that Jace was thinking about him, probably to escape a boring meeting he was in. But the feeling of never being alone was so perfect and reassuring, he could not get enough of it.   
  
There was another consequence to the bond settling between them, one that Alec had seen coming from a mile away. Before, he had told himself he could deal with it and sweep it under the rug like he did with all his emotions. But now he found it was not that easy.   
  
On one hand, he felt completely safe with Jace now. His soul was inside Jace and Jace’s was inside him. On the other hand, being close to Jace had started to affect him in a new way.   
  
In the beginning, when Jace had first freed him, he had used to see the blond Shadowhunter wrapped in a golden halo of power and angelic grace. His heart would pick up pace and he would blush, watching Jace in awe when he thought no one would notice.   
  
Now all those feelings had returned, ten times stronger. He expected it all to go away after a while, like the first instance of hero worship that had affected him.   
  
But now he noticed how beautiful Jace was, how good he smelled, how bright the smiles he gave him were, how his hair looked like liquid gold in the sunlight…   
  
When Catarina came to pick him up one day to take him to a barber shop, Alec saw the opportunity to ask a few questions, to hopefully quench his curiosity.   
  
The barber Catarina took Alec to specialised in Black hair and curls. Alec watched in awe as the warlock got a completely new look, with significantly bigger and longer hair than before. She looked like a queen when the barber was done.   
  
When it was his turn, he got his hair washed, his scalp massaged and even a suggestion on how to cut his hair and look modern.   
  
Alec currently had a pretty unkempt overall look, because he had neglected that aspect since being freed and his hair stuck out in all directions, curling in all sorts of rebellious ways and matting at the ends. The barber suggested he do a fade on the sides and leave the hair to curl naturally on top, so Alec would only have to run his hand through his hair after a shower to shape it, and perhaps add some product to define the wavy strands and make them shiny.   
  
Alec didn’t think it was too big a commitment to do that daily and he let the barber start working on him.   
  
Catarina sat close by with a drink and watched.   
  
“So, you and Jace. How are you settling into your new life? I heard his grandmother trusts you a lot and has you working with her.”   
  
“Inquisitor Herondale is an excellent woman. Harsh but fair, as an Inquisitor should be. And she loves Jace.”   
  
“Is it true that Imogen is the only high ranking Clave official who doesn’t own slaves?”   
  
“Yes. She employs young Shadowhunters in training to assist her. This way, they get to gather experience and to see how Idris is run.”   
  
Catarina gave Alec’s words some thought. To the uninitiated eye, it just looked like the Inquisitor was simply thinking of the future and giving young people opportunities. But, by exposing their young minds to the realities of Idris, she was priming them for a new rule of Idris. One where equality and freedom for everyone were not such exotic and blasphemous concepts. She could see how people like Consul Malachi would want the status quo to endure, because they profited off of it, but Imogen was slowly, but surely and effectively, digging at the root of the current governing system.   
  
She decided to tell Magnus what she had learnt. If ever there was a time for revolution and change, this was it.   
  
But, looking at Alec, who currently sat with his eyes closed, purring low in his throat in delight at being pampered and groomed so nicely, Catarina realised that change would not come overnight. Enslaved Downworlders could be freed by removing the suppressive collars they wore to control their powers and compel them to do their masters’ bidding. But they would not be functioning free citizens right away, as Alec’s journey was proving.   
  
Lasting change only came from being prepared and thinking ahead, Catarina thought. For now, she reached out her hand and ruffled Alec’s hair one last time before it was cut and styled, smiling at him when he looked at her to see what she was doing. For the first time, she did not see fear in his eyes or the expectation he would be hurt.   
  
“Catarina, what do people do to remove their body hair?” Alec asked, when the barber had gone to fetch some special scissors.   
  
“Some shave, some have it waxed, others have it magically removed. I do absolutely nothing at all. My girlfriend also doesn’t remove hers. Magnus only styles his in crazy patterns so his partner can always have a nice surprise when he undresses Magnus. Why?”   
  
“Well, I am kind of…dealing with overgrowth and I know I’m gross and furry like an animal. I don’t want Jace to have to look at that when we train.”   
  
Catarina laughed softly.   
  
“Alec. You do not have to worry about Jace. He doesn’t give a single fuck if you are hairy like a Persian cat or bald like a Sphynx. In fact, I am ready to bet he prefers you with body hair.”   
  
“My last owner used to have my whole body waxed so it would feel nice to the touch.”   
  
“Oh…” Catarina said, rolling her eyes. “There is nothing wrong with having body hair, that bitch just didn’t know what’s good. She also probably wanted to keep up the illusion that she was fucking a young boy, not a man, which is all kinds of fucked up. Alec, you do not have to do anything to your body to please others. If you like having hair, have hair; if you like the feel of your naked skin and want to rub your bare legs together under the blankets like a happy cricket, do that. But don’t worry about Jace. I think he’s having the time of his life watching you develop into who you were supposed to be from the start.”   
  
Alec closed his eyes briefly, thinking of Jace and feeling all the fuzzy emotions Jace evoked in him rise to the surface. The thought that Jace liked him just the way he was felt so good. Maybe in the end he wasn’t the waste of space and burden he had thought he would end up as. But something Catarina had said earlier had caught his attention.   
  
“You said you had a girlfriend and Magnus is dating a _he_. How does that even work?” Alec asked, blushing to the tips of his ears.   
  
Catarina was shocked at Alec’s naive views on relationships and sex, but reminded herself it was because of what had been done to him and how. In the mundane world, she was a medical professional and she was used to educating people on bodies and how they worked.   
  
She used her magic to summon an illustrated guide she found helpful when she talked to the teenagers who came to her clinic and handed it to Alec.   
  
“Sex is not just penis in vagina and only until a baby happens. Sex is actually a lot more fun when you aren’t trying to make a baby, or when you anatomically don’t have the means. Then you don’t have to worry about being a parent when you’re not ready. Mundanes still have sexually transmitted diseases to worry about, but since you’re Nephilim, you don’t have to worry about that either.”   
  
“My last owner had someone cut something out of me so I can never get anyone pregnant.” Alec said casually.   
  
He actually thought fondly about the times when his owner had used him for her pleasure. Of all the things he had been compelled to do, it had been the least jarring for him, because of his natural need to make others happy. He had never had sex for himself, the pills his owner had given him ensuring that he got and stayed hard for as long as she needed him to, after which he would simply go back to not being hard and carrying on with his duties. He associated arousal with the pills, and in their absence, it hadn’t occurred to him to touch himself, and on the few occasions when his body had gotten aroused, he had just waited it out. It usually happened in the mornings, when he woke up with Jace snuggled closely to him, after dreaming all night about spending even more time with Jace.   
  
Catarina gasped at Alec’s words.   
  
Of course it did not surprise her that a slave owner would have such disregard for a slave’s body and autonomy. But what shocked her was how cheerful and grateful Alec sounded when he spoke of what had been done to him. As though he was fully in agreement with the need for him to be sterilised. Usually, mundanes came to that decision on their own, after a lot of consideration. But to the Nephilim, a sterile man was as valuable as a dead one. Nephilim marriages were built around the need to replenish the ranks of the Shadowhunters, which fell victim to demons and to the Clave’s unnecessarily harsh laws. Luckily, Catarina thought, Jace had no use for Alec’s reproductive abilities.  
  


* * *

  
When Alec returned home, to the penthouse apartment he shared with Jace, he heard noises and saw light coming from the kitchen so he went there.   
  
Jace was cooking and had a plate in his hand. When he looked up at Alec, his jaw, as well as the hand holding the plate, went slack. The plate shattered in many small pieces on the floor while Jace kept watching Alec with undisguised awe.   
  
He had always thought Alec was gorgeous and cute with his messy hair… but the awesome new haircut made him look so fancy and refined… Jace felt his knees turn to water and he leaned against the counter.   
  
“Catarina took me to a barber, do you like it?” Alec said, going to find a little broom to gather the shards. “Did I startle you? I’m sorry!”   
  
“No… you didn’t startle me.” Jace said. “That is a really good haircut.”   
  
“You can touch if you want! The hairs at the back are so short!” Alec said, coming closer and standing in front of Jace, in his personal space.   
  
Jace brought a hand up and scritched his fingers over Alec’s nape and higher up, into the hair; he barely had the self-control needed not to moan at how good Alec’s hair felt against his fingertips like that.   
  
He rested the other hand on Alec’s waist, holding him close as he kept caressing the hair.   
  
“Jace are you alright? You seem… affected.” Alec asked softly, concern in his voice.   
  
“Sorry, I…” Jace began, removing his hands from where they were, touching Alec, and crossing his arms. “You just look so, so good and I am only so strong.”   
  
Alec felt his heart speed up and trip in his chest. Could it be that Jace _like-liked_ him? After his talk with Catarina and being explained some things like a pre-teen, he had realised his feelings for Jace were much more than gratitude and loyalty. What he had not considered was that Jace might return those feelings, although, in hindsight, Catarina had dropped some very heavy hints to that.   
  
But Jace was into girls! Wasn’t he? Alec also remembered the strange energy between Jace and Magnus and that made even more questions arise.   
  
Jace could see the wheels turning in Alec’s head from the confusion, which did not make it any easier to hold back from kissing his parabatai. So he moved away a bit.   
  
“Is everything alright? Did I make you uncomfortable?” Alec asked, although checking the bond, he sensed only cascading joy coming in waves from Jace.   
  
“No, Alec, but I’m bi as fuck and you’re cute as fuck and I…”   
  
Alec smiled; the first genuine, big smile Jace had seen on him since they’d first met. Sure, Alec had given him small, apologetic, shy or awkward smiles before, but this was the first time he smiled for real and to Jace it felt like the sun had entered the kitchen.   
  
That was all Alec needed. Hearing Jace’s words was all the confirmation he needed in the moment that he would not upset his beloved parabatai with a confession of his own.   
  
“Jace, it’s alright. I’ve been thinking about it a lot, almost as much as I’ve been feeling. I didn’t try to make it this way, but… I’ve fallen in love with you.”


	6. I Believe In You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jace and Alec have a talk after Alec's confession, but a phonecall from Idris interrupts them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some instances of aphobia are mentioned, ranging from assumptions to rape. Nothing of the sort actively happens in this chapter.

What does one say to a confession like that?  
  
Jace, for one, didn’t know how to react. He had sort of come to terms with never finding love in his life. He was a hardened soldier, someone who had had their ability for love excised from their heart a long time ago. But then he’d seen Alec and everything he’d thought he knew had vanished as if by magic.  
  
He had never been so protective of someone and so invested in them being happy and safe. For Alec, he was prepared to go to war with all of Idris, start a revolution and put a new world in place. And that was exactly what he was going to do, but right now, faced with Alec’s candid admission, Jace was feeling overwhelmed.

“I’ve fallen in love with you.”  
  
Words Jace had never heard spoken to him. He swallowed against the lump forming in his throat and he sighed, smiling and walking over to Alec.  
  
“Please, you don’t have to say it back. You don’t have to say anything. I just… I know I’m in no position to burden anyone with my feelings, much less you. But I wanted to tell you, Jace. Seeing those demons try to hunt you back in Idris reminded me how short and wretched life is.” Alec said, unable to hold Jace’s gaze when he got close, looking down.  
  
“Oh, Alec…” Jace said and pulled Alec into a hug, gently caressing the taller boy’s back and letting his fingers stray to the short hairs at the back of Alec’s head, scritching them as one would a cat’s ears. “I feel the same. I just told myself not to push it on you because it didn’t seem fair. But loving you feels like the most natural and obvious thing. Even to someone like me, who was taught that love only destroys. Then you came along and showed me that love protects and cares and gives strength…”  
  
He looked up at Alec, who was again smiling like the sun had entered the kitchen and who leaned down, touching his nose to Jace’s and nudging softly, closing his eyes.  
  
Jace felt his heart threaten to beat out of his chest as he tilted his head ever so slightly, slanting his lips against Alec’s in a barely there caress.  
  
Alec’s little excited sound told him it was safe to offer more, and he kissed Alec for real, his arms going around Alec’s waist and pulling him close.  
  
They melted into each other and locked themselves out of time, the whole world disappearing around them while they kissed. The bond hummed contentedly and stretched around them, pushing them closer together, making them want more of that maddeningly perfect feeling and the closeness.  
  
“You dictate the pace, Alec. I don’t want to rush this in any way or fuck this up,” Jace said, tugging on his parabatai’s lower lip before pulling back to speak.  
  
“Jace, I want everything. I… a lot of it is new and hard to place, but I feel safe with you and I know you won’t hurt me. Have you ever done anything with another boy? I only saw the illustrations in Catarina’s brochure…”  
  
Jace took Alec’s hand and led him to the living room sofa, where they sat close together.

He closed his eyes briefly, trying to stop the memories from flooding in.  
  
Ever since he had turned fifteen, it had been a widespread assumption that he would want sex, a lot if it and in any form. Men and women, mundanes and Downworlders alike had helped themselves to him, sometimes putting in an effort to seduce him, other times skipping the formalities, either drugging him, using compelling magic or sheer force.  
  
Jace didn’t often think of those instances because they were common and everyone around him expressed envy at him being so desired and chased after. It seemed to be a well known fact to everyone but him that, since he was what others considered exceedingly attractive, it went without saying that he should be fucking a lot of people.  
  
On a good day, Jace didn’t think of sex at all or, if someone else brought it up in some form or another, he would feel revulsion at the thought of bodies slapping together and sweaty people grunting, stinking up the inside of Jace’s mind with the unbearable smell of fucking, which he had been exposed to so many times.  
  
Every time he had sex, even now when he was considered a full adult, he couldn’t help but feel a mixture of relief that it was over and disgust with himself. Why did sex have to be the only way people were willing to be close to him for other reasons than hurting him? Even with Alec’s last owner, Jace used to suggest a couple’s shower right after so he could be rid of the sensations and smells as soon as possible. His girlfriend had thought he wanted to prolong the sexy times by using his hands to wash her and himself and Jace had been pleased he could get away with it most of the time without his real motive ever being discovered.  
  
Alec was the exception to all that.  
  
At night, when Jace curled up in bed and felt Alec’s arms wind themselves around him, he also felt bliss flood him. Alec smelled amazing all the time, at least to Jace, even when they trained together and exerted themselves. Falling asleep in his arms and waking up next to him was as close to heaven as Jace could imagine.  
  
Which was how he had begun to wonder what kissing Alec’s lips would feel like and what his skin would taste like.  
  
Now he knew, and Alec’s confession had opened the door to all the possibilities.  
  
Jace had never experienced so much continued happiness in his life - not even as a small child. 

He wondered if Alec thought of having sex with him and if, in Alec’s mind, it was as oppressive and as demeaning as the times he had been forced to perform for his owner.  
  
“I still can’t believe you love me back,” Alec said, pulling Jace out of his thoughts. “But it’s so good. Imogen seems to think we are already a couple and I think she is pleased with that fact.”

Jace had to laugh briefly at that.  
  
“What, my grandmother thinks we’re a thing? And approves?”  
  
When Alec nodded, Jace considered what a relief that was. They did not have to hide, and he did not have to suffer in uncertainty and fear that she would not accept him. Idris was extremely homophobic and condemned any relationship that did not lead to multiple births, so it was a huge weight off Jace’s chest to know his powerful grandmother was not invested in hating most of the world like the rest of the Idris nobility and the Clave were.

“I guess we can make full use of that not being a problem we need to worry about.” Jace said and leaned in, humming in contentment when Alec met him halfway and they kissed again.  
  
Alec brought a hand up, fingers carding through Jace’s hair, gently tucking some strands behind his ear, then resting on the neck, his fingers flexing only slightly in a small caress.  
  
Jace had never gotten so much out of such small touches. Alec’s shy exploration made him feel special and precious.

They were getting heated up and, before he lost all semblance of control, Jace had to ask:  
  
“What do you want to do, Alec? What are you comfortable with?”  
  
Alec blushed intensely and took a deep breath.  
  
He was about to finally say what he wanted, when Jace’s phone began to ring loudly.  
  
He looked at the phone, in case it was an emergency, and saw it was Imogen. Answering, he listened for a bit and Alec saw the blood drain from his face.  
  
“We’re coming. Right now.” Was all Jace said and hung up. “It’s Malachi. He captured mother and Izzy and he has had many Clave officials murdered by his demons. He wants to be given absolute powers as Consul and other things. He has many followers who only respect power and violence. We have to go and stop him, for good. But first, one of us needs to get help from Magnus and Catarina.”  
  
Alec nodded gravely. He and Jace could pick up from where they left off once Idris was freed, Imogen and the others were safe and Malachi was stopped.  
  
He had heard Jace say “mother” and he hoped he would not have to meet the woman who had sold him as a slave.  
  
“You’re needed in Idris. I can go talk to the warlocks.” Alec said. “I’ll meet you there after it’s done.”  
  
“Are you sure? You don’t have to fight and go on missions, not for Idris, not for me, not for anyone. This might be dangerous.”  
  
“I’m very sure. I love you. I want to make sure you succeed. And I can take care of myself. People don’t usually pay attention to me.”  
  
Jace portaled to Idris shortly after, but not before wrapping Alec in his arms and letting himself savour the plush warmth of his parabatai’s lips on his one last time before leaving.  
  
Alec called Magnus, explaining the situation and letting the warlock come pick him up through a portal.  
  
As he sat on Magnus’ sofa and explained to him what was going on, Alec caught himself feeling fear rise in him. This was war, this was serious, people died, it could even be him.  
  
He didn’t want to leave the world without having felt Jace’s touch and without Jace claiming that space inside him that called to the blond warrior and longed for him. It was hard to put in words, even into thoughts, but he was sure that what he felt was real and he needed it to become real out in Thd world too.  
  
He thought of Jace’s lips on his, the gentleness and the sweetness of the touch of their lips moving together, and it was enough to help him refocus.  
  
First, win a war.  
  
Second, close a portal to hell.  
  
Third, show Jace how deep his love ran.  
  
Easy-peasy, only three steps, Alec told himself and focused on the conversation with the warlocks.


	7. Anything off your wishlist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec gets captured by Malachi and things take a very gory turn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The action scene in this chapter might not be for the more sensitive readers. There's descriptions of deadly injuries (not very detailed, but they happen) and threats of rape and torture. 
> 
> But, on the other hand, BAMF Alec.

Saving Maryse and Izzy from Malachi’s well guarded dungeon almost costs Jace his life.    
  
The maniac already tortured them both, fueled by his undying hatred for Maryse and her Circle past. The underground part of his dungeon is a maze of supernatural threats and barely contained abominations.    
  
There are many Downworlder slaves there, with obedience collars around their necks, who are compelled to attack Jace, some with speed, others with magic, others with sheer strength.    
  
It is only due to Jace’s pure angel blood that he escapes with his life from that hell place. He is worried that he did not find the greater demon Malachi is working with. And if the demon is not there, conspiring with the consul, it means they are hard at work, preparing even more horrors for the unsuspecting citizens of Alicante.    
  
His effort to find and confront Malachi is that much greater since he tries not to kill any of the slaves. He thinks of Alec and of how subdued and lost he was when they first met, and even without an obedience collar imbued with magic, it was so difficult to transition him to being a person again.    
  
Once he frees Izzy and Maryse, they want to stay and fight.   
  
Jace looks at them both. They need runes, medical attention and rest, and letting them fight by his side would only make him more vulnerable. Instead, he opens a portal for them, one that leads back to New York, while he goes in search of Malachi.    
  
Alec, on his part, finds out that the portal in the sky cannot be fixed by magic from only one side. Catarina explains it with an analogy, likening the portal with a deep wound that goes through many layers of the body and that the surgeon must fix by sewing up every layer, not just one.    
  
In short, someone needs to go to Edom, fight the greater demon and kill them so their magic stops powering the portal, while Magnus and Catarina close the portal from the Earth side.    
  
Alec doesn’t even think and decides there and then that he is going to Edom.    
  
“You don’t have to do this. You don’t owe this world anything, it has treated you with nothing but contempt and brought you only misery.” Magnus points out.    
  
“This world has Jace in it, and that is all the reason I need to defend it.” Alec says.    
  
Catarina gives Magnus a knowing look - mortals do have an intensity and a determination in reaching their goals that immortals don’t, while they, in exchange, have the luxury of waiting until their problems go away on their own.    
  


* * *

  
Before they manage to meet again at Imogen’s home in Idris, Alec gets captured by Malachi’s men and he is brought before the consul.    
  
“If it isn’t the Herondales’ pet!” Malachi says with disdain.    
  
He has Alec in a dungeon with no windows, lit only by torches. The air is fetid and gross, and Alec can hear pained screams in the distance.    
  
“My Lord, if I may. This man was a slave in your lieutenant’s household. She was coerced into freeing him by Jace Herondale.” One of the goons informs Malachi.    
  
“Is that so?” Malachi squints, stepping close to Alec, whose hands are cuffed behind his back.    
  
The question is not meant for him, and Alec knows better than to speak.   
  
“This means he is dear to Jace, if not to Imogen as well.” Malachi concludes, then turns to the men. “Gentlemen, he’s all yours. I just need the skin with the runes at the end, and do try to keep the features recognizable. I want Imogen and that Seelie-fucker to suffer as much as possible. The blow must be devastating.”    
  
Alec almost wets himself in fear at hearing what fate awaits him.    
  
But he is not dead yet, and he doesn’t only have to survive for himself, he remembers. A sudden calm takes over him as he thinks of how Jace would handle this situation.    
  
So he waits for now, with his head bowed.    
  
The guy who is obviously in charge approaches and grabs him by the jaw, roughly yanking it up so he can look into his eyes.    
  
“You wouldn’t be half bad if you weren’t rebel scum. Still, you’ll be enough fun for me and the boys.”    
  
The man is shorter than Alec and he reeks like someone who never bathes in a year if he gets caught outside in the rain. The thought that this man will rape him and murder him fills Alec with so much dread and disgust, and the fear of what awaits him takes over.    
  
The guy opens his fly, taking out a gnarly, disgusting looking organ that’s not even half hard.    
  
One of the other goons approaches from behind and hits Alec hard over the backs of his thighs with a belt or a crop, Alec isn’t sure. But he does know that the blow is meant to bring him to his knees. Instead, he lets himself fall to the floor like a sack of potatoes. Because of his bound hands, the men can’t easily lift him back up. 

“Ah fuck it. He’s not going anywhere, uncuff the fucker and let’s get on with it!” The leader says, stroking his cock and grinning.    
  
The little delay and ruse were enough to buy Alec precious time to map the room in his mind.    
  
Five against one.    
  
Normally, a suicide mission, but he was trained by Jace.    
  
_ You should not seek to fight. But if you must fight, win.  _   
  
As soon as his hands are free, one flies forward, grabbing the guy’s balls and twisting. Hard. At the same time, he switches his weight onto one foot, spinning from his waist until he can corkscrew his body in the air, allowing him to lock the guy behind him in between his thighs, choking him. The motion also leaves him with a torn ballsack in his hand. He throws it at the third guy, using the precious few seconds of shock to get a dagger from the guy he is choking to death, throwing it into a fourth man’s neck.    
  
The third man who attacked tries to stab Alec with his short sword, but Alec uses the guy he was choking as a shield and, while his attacker tries to get his sword out of the corpse he’s stabbed into, Alec grabs one of the sharp instruments from the nearby torture table and stabs it into the guy’s skull, from under the chin.    
  
That leaves one out of five men standing and he is making a run for it, trying to get to the door, but the keys are on their leader’s belt, and he is bleeding out and convulsing on the floor.    
  
Alec picks up the keys from the dying man and steps onto his neck, crushing his airways. Slowly, like a cat closing in on its paralysed with fear prey, he approaches the remaining goon.    
  
“Please! I’m… I’m gay! They made me join this strike team or else… I can help!”   
  
Alec grabs his clothes and weapons, buckling the weapons belts back up around his waist and across his chest. He thinks of Jace intensely, reaching out to him through the bond, letting him know that Malachi is here too.    
  
“Tell me, asshole. How many slaves do you own?” Alec asks, his tone casual.    
  
“J- just three, a mundane who cleans my house, a Seelie and a Warlock. Please! Who’s going to look after them if I don’t come back?!”    
  
“Just so you know, the correct number is zero.” Alec calmly mentions, gutting the guy like a fish, from his navel to his sternum. “See if you can iratze that one.” He adds, letting himself out of the cell and thinking of his next step. He has a mission, he has no time to spare, but those pained screams he heard earlier are still resonating against the stones making up the dungeon corridor.    
  
He kills a lot of Malachi’s men and frees a lot of prisoners, until a portal opens next to him and Jace steps through it, weapons drawn.    
  
“Are you alright, my love?” Jace asks, taking in Alec’s form. He seems unharmed, although he is covered in blood splatter.    
  
“Yes. You would have been so proud if you’d seen me. I tore a guy’s nuts off.”    
  
“I’m sure you had a good reason. Now, where’s Malachi?”    
  
“In the war room. But wait. He will be prepared for an attack and use a secret passageway to escape again. I’ll go and flush him out. The third exit of the building is in the garden. That’s where he’s leaving through.” 

“Well thought, how did you know all this? Did they blab in front of you?” Jace asks, shuddering at the thought that, if the consul and his goons talked so loosely about their defences in Alec’s presence, it can only mean they intended to kill him.    
  
“No. But look. Every floor has a fire escape plan. This is the floor with the war room, and it’s the only one that has this addition, in a dotted line. See, this passage between a fake wall and the real one connects the war room with the garden exit.”    
  
“Alec, that’s incredible. You are incredible. I’m so glad you’re on our side.” Jace says and takes Alec’s closest hand in his. “Let’s go catch this dickhead.”    
  
Malachi isn’t even worried as he makes his way through the secret passage and into the garden of his compound. He doesn’t expect the blow to his head that knocks him unconscious. Thanks to Alec, catching him was easy.    
  
They deliver an unconscious Malachi to Imogen, who has him jailed immediately, to await trial, where she hopes he will give them more information about the alliance he has with the greater demon from Edom.  Imogen orders her boys to take a night’s rest before they proceed with their strategy.   
  
Exhaustion nearly takes over Alec as soon as his head hits the pillow, but Jace sleeping serenely next to him reminds him how close it was for him today.    
  
It was a hard day, but step one off Alec’s list is at 85% complete. 

**Author's Note:**

> I'd be very grateful for kudos and comments, if you got this far 🖤🖤🖤


End file.
